While I am beyond grateful to be a SAHM, somedays it can just get to me! I love being with Breanna all day long but hardly any adult contact {other than social media,(if even that) or phone call to my mom} can make you crazy! I am always feeling frumpy and just not pretty. Yes, I know I can change that but honestly why get all prettied up to just sit at home?
People tell me well then get out of the house. I know but It's not that easy especially when right now we only have one car and husband takes it to work. I'm sure you are probably thinking why don't you take him to work? Well yes I could but 7am freezing cold outside, and taking a toddler in and out of the car in the cold dealing with traffic isn't what I want to do with my morning! especially if I haven't had my coffee! And now I'm sure you're thinking well the that's your own fault, so quit bitching.
This weather is definitely a huge factor for me. I wake up see how cold it is when I let the dog out in the morning, I just want to crawl back into bed and cuddle with the kid all day! While we know that wont happen(unless she isn't feeling well).
With Brad working 6 days a week sometimes I do feel like a single parent doing everything by myself up until bedtime (I don't want this to come across like Brad doesnt help around here because when he is home he definitely does), each day is definitely different from the next but being a SAHM is a full time job!having an almost 2year old to feed, have school time with, bathe and love on until bed time and also find time to do all the household things (pay bills, start/finish laundry (including folding and putting away), cleaning, shower myself) and by time this is all done its probably 10:00/11:00 and I'm ready for bed (yes i am in bed early cause 6/630 am is early wake up) , oh trying to remember to eat at some point in the day! I don't want to sound ungrateful because I am not, and I know working moms have it way harder and would love to be able to stay home and those of you with more than one kid also have it way harder than I do...you seriously are my heroes! I know Brad busts his ass so I can stay home but it's still hard and stressful feeling like I'm on my own.
Sometimes I feel like I am being selfish because I want some me time and I mean more than 10 min to get a shower or make a quick run to the store alone, yes that is nice but I want to do something for myself without feeling guilty! Like get a manicure or pedicure, buy some new clothes, or go get my hair done without feeling guilty cause I am spending money on myself instead of Breanna or something we as a family need. Every time I try and buy myself something like clothes, nail polish or new makeup I end up not because I feel bad and don't think I need it and it could be used on something useful!
Maybe, I need to start getting with my girlfriends once a month, maybe more and have a night out! I love when we have our days with brunch or dinner at someone's house, it's refreshing. And then there comes that guilt again, like I should be home spending time w. Brad because he does work so much, and we don't get much time together or even go out just the 2 of us nearly enough. And I feel bad about that because it seems like we have put ourselves on the back burner and need to start doing it more!
Then there are those moments I feel horrible for even thinking like I do because so many people have it so much worse off than me and I should just appreciate what I have!
I think getting together with girlfriends once a month is a great idea! Definitely not selfish.
ReplyDeleteI think every SAHM feels like this from time to time! Many people tend to think that SAHMs take the "easy" way out and just enjoy not working...but it's work! And I don't do it for my own pleasure really--I do it for my kids because I think they benefit. And I have enjoyed my time home, but I look forward to going back to work in a year or so too. Neither way is perfect!
ReplyDeleteI can't speak from any experience here because I don't have children yet, but, I could definitely see myself feeling that same guilt to leave my child and go and do something for myself. BUT- Breanna needs a happy Mommy... and although I'm sure you are so happy around her everyday, (& I know she makes you happy) - it would be good to go and do something for yourself to add even more to your happiness. Pamper yourself, splurge on a new outfit! Nothing wrong with that! Push that guilty feeling out of the way. I know it's easier said than done. But just because you are a Mom, doesn't mean you're not a girl anymore... go do something girly.. just for you! =)
ReplyDeleteI FULLY understand the guilt. I do not really buy myself anything and when I do it is rare. And it makes me feel guilty too. I wear yoga pants and sweatshirts just about every single day because I do not go anywhere. When we do go out on the weekends, I am not even wanting to get dressed up because it takes so much time and I have very little of it.
ReplyDeleteI can also relate to the no adult interaction because I work from home. The only person I actually talk to is Gary or my Mom. We used to get together with friends a lot more than we do now but that has changed so my adult interaction is limited.
Me time is something that every Mom needs, whether they work or not. Same with date nights with husbands. Maybe make it monthly for both? Girls day out, Me day out and night out with hubby?!
I think what you're feeling is perfectly normal and something all moms, SAHM or otherwise, feel from time to time. Especially being stuck home with no vehicle... being in the house all day every day can certainly make you feel a little crazy! Once you get back to having two vehicles, making a point to go places a few days a week will help... I know you've said when it's warmer out you guys like to go to the park... the library is also another great place. It's free/cheap and they have so many reading groups and activities, the kids absolutely love it. So I think when you can start getting out a little more in the warmer weather that will certainly help! I was a SAHM for almost two years and it was way harder on me than working a full-time job!
ReplyDeleteIt's not easy Cari! With Jay working nights, I have the same problem. I work all day, and when I come home Jay has to leave, so then I have to put on my mommy hat until bedtime. Not to mention cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, etc. Because we are really supporting 2 households, $ is always tight, but I have stopped feeling guilty about treating myself once in a while. There is a saying "Happy wife, happy life". I think it's meant as a joke, but it's so true. You need to be good to yourself so you can be the best mom & wife you can be. I try to get together with friends once a month, whether it's by myself with my girls, or together with other couples. It's nice to have a reason to get dolled up and look my best, and have stimulating adult conversation not related to my job! I also try to reserve my credit card rewards or birthday/holiday gift $ for mani/pedis this way I can still have a little time to myself but not have to feel guilty about spending the money. Sometimes we use the CC rewards for restaurant gift cards so we can have a date night without the guilt. You just need to schedule some time for yourself and stick to it!
ReplyDeleteI'm a working mom, and I've honestly never thought of the SAHM side very much (I just thought you guys were blessed!). Thanks for sharing that we ALL struggle with some part of every decision we make. And I vote for getting out with your girlfriends once in a while :) Don't forget that your mental health is an important part of being a good mama and wife.
ReplyDeleteYou nailed it dead on about this!
ReplyDeleteI can't begin to tell you HOW many times I feel like this every single day! With being a SAHM of 3 (1 being special needs & a husband with a T.B.I) I just want to scream at people who tell me to get out and go do more! It's like people have NO clue the daily demands and responsibilities I have for my son & husband (which I am now his certified VA Care Giver).
I definitely do agree - it is totally normal to feel the way you do. You are not alone ;)
Will the mother's guilt and such ever totally go away? According to my therapist, not really, but it's something we learn to cope with after awhile (hence why in many of my blog posts I'm always trying to find the 'good' in every situation no matter how sh**ty it may be :\ )
I so admire you for sharing your thoughts on this :)
{I swear we are too much alike! If we lived closer to one another I would say let's have a SAHMommy's day out sometime! }
***Hugs***
This is just how I am feeling today. I love being with G 24/7, but sometimes I just need a break and some me time. If we lived closer I know we would hang out all the time. Seriously you nailed this one on the head! I have a car here, but who wants to go out alone...not me! Oh yea, and its freezing!
ReplyDeleteI have to disagree with one thing - I personally don't think working moms have it harder...I think they have it easier. and no offense to any working mom - but they have a set schedule and are away from their kid 8 hours a day...not that it's ideal for them to be, but that's 8 hours they aren't changing diapers, listening to crying, and everything else that demands attention. I feel ya on the "not getting dressed up" thing - I think a lot of mommies do that. I once read an article to buy cute comfy clothes so you feel a lot prettier at home but you're still in a cute sweat pant outfit...just an idea? I have yet to try it. haha.
ReplyDeleteYou definitely need and deserve a break! You are a fantastic mom but we all need time away from our children. I also thinking SAHM is one of the hardest jobs out there. Many hugs!!
ReplyDeleteHUGS! I totally understand this and have been there. That's why I started my faux book club and we meet at least once a month. Also, joining the YMCA with free child care has been a huge help to have some "me" time. Hang in there Mama!
ReplyDeleteHugs Mama, I think we have all felt that way. Joining the YMCA was a big help for me, especially with the free childcare. You definitely need to make some time for just you, I think it's part of being a good Mom!
ReplyDeleteI read this when you first posted this, typed up a long response, and then it didn't go through on my phone.
ReplyDeleteYou shouldn't feel any guilt whatsoever. Being a mom is TOUGH. Whether you are a working Mom, WAHM, or SAHM, your lives are equal. There are just different sets of pros and cons. I hate the "my life is harder than your life because I work/because I stay home" argument. We all have our issues to deal with, just as there are perks.
I understand what it's like to go with just one vehicle. We dealt with that until Dylan was 5, and it was hard! Once the weather warms up, try driving him to work one day a week so you can have the car to go to the library or go to the park.
I'm thinking we're just going to have to plan more moms night outs, right?!?
When I had my first child, my mom had a talk with me. She told me to always remember that I was a person before I had kids, and I must always remain a real person even with kids. It's vital to your emotional well being that you keep being that real person. It's vital to your children and their emotional well being that you keep that real person happy. Doing little things to remind yourself that your happiness is important can be simple. Your favorite lotion. A tinted lip balm. A scented candle. Things to lift your spirits without you even realizing they do.
ReplyDeleteAlways know, you are not alone.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard. I've been on both sides-- working and at home.
I wish I had some advice to alleviate the guilt, but truthfully I don't. I just know how important it truly is to have "me" time and you have to push through and continue.
xoxox
Cari,
ReplyDeleteI am a new follower and I am so glad you posted this! I can totally relate but I do work every Sat and Sun for 12 hours a day so I feel that is my only chance for adult interaction. I haven't had my eyebrows waxed in months (can you say unibrow?), the only reason I had a haircut last month is bc my SIL came by and had her scissors on her so she trimmed my hair. I also feel guilty when I spend money on things for myself. Again, thanks for sharing! It' nice to know that I am not alone!